


You Were There Until You Weren't

by cinnabunstyles



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Lance struggles a lot, M/M, blade of marmora, season 4, they/them pronouns for Pidge, voltron is keiths family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 04:33:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12380976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnabunstyles/pseuds/cinnabunstyles
Summary: When Keith leaves to train with the Blade Of Marmora, Lance painfully realizes how much he meant to him





	You Were There Until You Weren't

**Author's Note:**

> WOW ok so season four dropped like two days ago I think? These ideas had been swimming in my head so I sat down and whipped this up. I took the idea from the first episode obviously but strayed away and gave it my own ending. So if you haven't seen this newest season I recommend doing that because I reference it a lot.  
> I only skimmed this while editing so excuse any mistakes I missed.  
> I'm sorry in advance for the insane amount of angst in this.

It didn't really worry Lance in the beginning. Keith would leave whenever there was any free time to go and train with the Blade Of Marmora. It was to be expected really. Ever since Keith found out he had Galra blood in him, he wanted to pursue that part of his life. Nobody could blame him for that. But then, those every once in a while visits started to turn into frequent trips. 

Before Lance knew it, Keith was gone more than he was present. The team started to grow angry with Keith when he would miss Voltron coalition events, or show up late for missions. Lance shared in this anger, but it wasn't as strong as the others. His anger was overshadowed with worry.

It was when Shiro rekindled his bond with the black lion that everything really changed. Keith gave up on being the leader that Shiro wanted him to be, and decided to leave Voltron.

After the expected “goodbyes,” and “we will miss you’s,” no one said anything as Keith turned his back on his team. Lance’s heart felt like it was being squeezed to death in his chest while he watched Keith walk out of the doors in his purple suit rather than his red paladin armor. Lance was the only one who saw the smile Keith had been holding on his face drop as he turned around. 

He didn't expect it to hurt this much, he really didn’t. Lance thought he would be fine after Keith left. They were always bickering and getting into petty competitions; anyone watching wouldn't really consider them friends. So why did Lance feel so empty?

The feeling of emptiness only got worse by the day. It was small things that tapped at the feeling. Like when Lance made a cheesy pick up line and shot finger guns at an attractive alien while they were helping pass out supplies on a planet, that he noticed something missing. Hunk’s little chuckle and voice saying “Good one Lance!” was there, but another voice was missing. Lance realizes it was Kieth’s. He would always say something like “You really thought that would work?”

Not hearing a smartass comment or even a scoff at his pick up line, Lance visibly deflated. 

“You okay man? You look down,” Hunk quickly noticed.

“Yeah no worries dude. Just thinking about how none of my lines are working on these babes,” Lance weakly chuckled.

When really, the pretty aliens were the last thing on his mind. 

Lance feels the same throbbing in his chest a few weeks later when he walks into the training room half expecting to find Keith already there, mid battle with one of the simulators. Instead, he steps into an empty room, his footsteps echoing as he walks in further. 

Lance trains twice as long that day.

It becomes clear to Lance how much Kieth was apart of his life. Whenever he goes to make a joke, he realizes that Keith isn't there to scoff or roll his eyes at him. Or when he says something dumb, no one calls him out on it to begin a fight. He cant believe he's saying this, but Lance misses arguing with Keith. 

It suddenly gets worse. Lance always had the rest of his teammates to lean on, but then another person was added to the mix. 

Pidge walks in with Matt. Lance is so happy for Pidge since he knows how long and hard they've been looking for Matt. He finds Matt very nice and is glad to have him around. Soon though, Lance notices things changing. Matt gravitates to Hunk, where the two of them along with Pidge bond over math and tech stuff that Lance can’t even begin to understand. Shiro on the other hand is always talking and going over things with Coran and Allura. Lance finds himself stuck in the middle of both trios, and he isn't sure where he fits anymore. 

He feels extremely guilty the one time the thought of blaming Matt for his loneliness. Lance is glad that he's here, he really is. Pidge seems so much happier, and Hunk has another person to relate to. Matt is also valuable to the team with his knowledge. It’s not his fault that Lance isn't smart enough to hang out with them, or that he doesn't have the leadership ability to make important decisions with Allura, Coran, and Shiro. He's just the team goofball after all, right?

Pidge one day had gotten the video game that they bought with Lance at the space mall awhile back to work. The two of them would often play together laughing and yelling when they succeeded or failed at a level. Pidge now spent most of their time with Matt, and Lance can’t be angry about that.

Whenever Lance is bored, or feels alone, he finds himself sitting in front of the game, playing through levels he's already completed. It takes his mind off of things for a while, and he's grateful for the distraction. 

It does make him a bit sad though, when he disappears for hours at a time to play the game, only to find that no one noticed he was gone when he comes back. 

“Oh hey Lance! What have you been up to all day?” Hunk asks when Lance is the first one to sit at the table for dinner. 

“Matt, Pidge and I have been looking through Galra codes and seeing if we can crack it. If we can figure out what they're saying it can provide us with so much information!” Hunk excitedly explains as he serves Lance a plate of goo.

Lance offers him a small smile, “Thats really amazing Hunk. I’ve just been doing some work, you know nothing exciting like that,” he looks down at his food.

Lance definitely wasn't going to admit that he spent the entire day locked away playing his video game when they were actually doing important work.

The others file in and soon everyone is seated, chatting idly as they eat their food. Lance zones out, thinking about how he wishes he had more to offer to the team. It wasn't long ago that he was having a conversation with Keith about how he thought it might be best for him to step aside when it came to Voltron. If it was what was best for the team, Lance would do it. Now Keith is gone, and they're no longer short a paladin. Lance cant help but wonder if things would have been better if he was the one gone instead of Keith.

Lance cant seem to pull himself our of this funk, and it shows in missions. He is distracted, and always is one step behind the rest.

It doesn't help that he's in Red. The lion acts as a constant reminder of who's spot he took. It makes him feel guilty, as if he shouldn't even be there. 

One day, after a mission where Lance was especially distracted, Shiro grabs his wrist before he can walk back to his room. 

“Lance I think we should talk.”

The two stand silently while the yellow and green paladins exit. Lance can feel the tension layered in the air.

“I know things have been rough, but you need to focus on the tasks at hand. You cant keep messing up during missions. Someone can get seriously hurt if we are not all careful,” Shiro scolds.

Lance knows that he's right. He can’t keep holding back the team.

“You’re right Shiro I’m sorry. I’m just..” Lance trails off not knowing how to finish his sentence.

“We all miss him.”

Lance’s eyes widen as he looks up at Shiro. Their eyes meet, and Lance suddenly can’t take it anymore. His eyes fill with tears and he hangs his head in shame. The tears come faster and his breathing gets heavier as he full on starts to sob.

Shiro pulls him into a tight hug, which only makes Lance cry harder.

“Why do I miss him so much? We, we were supposed to be rivals,” Lance lets out a pathetic laugh. 

“Lance, we both know you guys weren't rivals. You were actually good friends, whether or not each of you would admit it.”

Shiro rubs Lance’s back in a comforting way as he lets the boy continue to cry into his chest.

“It’s just really hard; being in Red. I feel like I’m not supposed to be there. Not when Keith isn't here,” Lance’s voice is muffled. 

“And you're right Shiro. He was my friend, and now he's gone and I don't know if he's going to ever come back or if he's going to say with the Blade Of Marmora.”

Lance pulls away from Shiro and sniffles.

“I guess I just want him to be happy,” Lance softly concludes. 

Shiro suddenly begins to look uncomfortable.

“Look, I can’t tell you what he's said, but I know Keith cares a lot about you too Lance. I wish the two of you could have talked more before he left. Although I’m not sure that would have made a difference knowing Keith.”

“W-what do you mean?” Lance grows confused.

“Just, uh just know he cared about you, okay Lance? Everything is going to be fine.” Shiro pulls him in for one last hug and then offers a small smile before he turns to leave.

Lance wipes his wet face with the back of his hand and takes a deep breath. 

It’s true that him and Keith were in reality really good friends. They spent too much time together, and joked around too much to be rivals. Neither of them would openly admit that to the other, but it was true. Thinking back to what Shiro said, maybe Keith knows this too.

The days continue on like this, painfully slow. The days blur together for Lance and soon enough two months have past since Keith left. 

These days, Lance just goes through every day tasks robotically, and performs well on missions by completely shutting down his emotions while in Red. 

It isn't an ideal way to live, but Lance doesn't care.

He’s sitting in the lounge with his eyes closed trying to doze off, while Hunk, Matt, and Pidge chatter on the couch across from Lance about some tech stuff he doesn't understand.

They are are all interrupted by Coran rushing in.

“Hey! We are receiving a message from the Blade Of Marmora! Allura is connecting us, come listen!” He rushes away as quickly as he had rushed in.

The words register in Lance’s brain and he shoots up from the couch, jumping over it to get to the control room. 

Hunk, Matt, and Pidge quickly follow. The four of them meet Coran, Allura, and Shiro in the control room who are all looking up at the screen filled with static.

“I’m having trouble connecting us to them, but there is definitely a message trying to get through,” Allura says with a look of determination painted on her face as she tries to get a better signal.

Lance stares hopefully at the screen, desperate for any news on Keith.

Slowly, a grainy picture starts to show up on the screen and within a minute Kolivan’s face appears, and there standing beside him, is Keith. 

Lance’s breath catches in his throat, and he is surprised to feel tears fill his eyes. He is so grateful to see Keith safely standing there. Not hearing anything from him or the other members of the Blade Of Marmora for months can be very unsettling.

“Hello Princess. I hope this message reaches you safely. We have just finished our mission and do not have anything scheduled for the time being,” Kolivan explains.

He looks down at Keith and nods for him to speak.

“Uh hey guys,” Keith nervously begins. 

Hearing his voice after so long sends a shiver down Lance’s spine.

“I know it’s been awhile, I’m sorry about that. Theres just been things that I’ve had to do. Now that I have some time, I’d like to come back for a visit. See how everyones doing and all. I- I’ve missed you,” Keith looks away from the screen and clears his throat.

“If you can send us coordinates on where you're castle is, Keith can take a fighter out to visit,” Kolivan steps in again.

They both go silent and then the video is cut off.

“Thats all there was,” Allura explains.

Coran steps up to the controls, “I’ll get to work on sending our coordinates. It shouldn't take long for them to receive.

Lance can’t believe what’s going on. Keith is coming back. He’s actually coming back. Lance should be happy, ecstatic even; yet all that is filling him is anger.

He quickly turns and rushes out the door heading for his room. 

After months of being gone that fucker thinks he can waltz back in here like nothing has changed? Does he have any idea how hard it has been here since he left?

Lance paces back in forth in his room, his emotions running wild. His eyes fill up with tears for the second time today as he flops onto his bed, tugging at his hair in frustration.

“I love him,” Lance whispers to himself.

Honestly, Lance already knew this deep down. He just didn't want to have to think about it so he never voiced it aloud or let it take up too much of his thoughts. Now that Keith was coming back though, Lance wasn't sure what he was going to say to him. He has so much to say, he realizes, but he doesn't know how to put it into words. He doesn't know how to even begin to convey to Keith how he's been feeling these past few months.

It’s all so overwhelming, and Lance is tired; so tired. 

He falls asleep with tears in his eyes and an aching heart.

The next day Lance is woken up by a banging on his door.

“Lance! Lance it’s Pidge, come on open up!”

Lance groans and pulls himself out of bed feeling gross. He’s in the same clothes he feel asleep in yesterday and his eyes are red from the crying he did. His hair is sticking up in different directions from all the tugging he did at it, and he honestly looks like a wreck. Pidge doesn't hesitate to tell him this when he opens the door.

“Dude, Keith is on his way here right now. He’s close enough that we can track him so you better get your shit together,” Pidge warns.

Lance just nods and closes his door again. That same empty feeling has returned, even though Keith would be here any minute. Lance for some reason can not bring himself to give a fuck.

He walks over to the mirror he has hung up and uses his hands to try and fix his messy hair. Once it is presentable, he looks down at his wrinkled clothes, shrugs, and leaves his room. 

Lance finds everyone gathered in the control room, only there’s one more person there than he was expecting. 

Standing amongst everyone, in that same purple and black suit he had left in, was Keith. 

As soon as their eyes meet Lance knows there is know way in hell he can do this. 

He turns around and practically runs out of the room. His heart is beating so hard it feels like it is about to jump out of his chest. He turns the corner and takes refuge in his room. He tries really hard to get his breathing back under control, but it catches in his throat when he hears a knock at his door.

Lance knows who it is.

He takes the few steps to reach the door, and raises a very shaky hand to the button. He presses it, and his door opens with a whoosh. 

Lance is face to face with Keith again, after months of being apart with no communication. 

The anger rises up in Lance again and he bursts out in rage.

“Who the fuck do you think you are Keith Kogane. Do you think you're cool? Huh? Well have I got news for you. Going MIA for months is the opposite of cool. It’s a dick move and I know you want to train with the Blade Of Marmora and everything but did you even stop to think about what effect that would have here?”

Lance is out of breath by the time he finishes yelling, and Keith looks at him with his eyebrows furrowed. 

“Lance, of course I thought about it. I-” Keith cuts himself off and looks around. 

“Can I come in please?” he asks softly.

Lance steps aside and Keith walks into his room. The door shuts behind him.

“I thought me leaving would be best for the team. For you guys,” Keith begins to explain. 

“We had one paladin too many, and I wasn't meant to be in the black lion as the leader. You were doing well in Red, and Allura was improving so much with Blue, I didn't want to take that away from the two of you. I had the opportunity to leave with the Blade Of Marmora, so I took it thinking it would benefit you guys.”

Keith looks down at the ground before he continues.

“I also was feeling really pressured to be a leader that I knew I couldn't be. You guys are my family. I’ve never really talked about it, but on earth I was living alone in the desert for fucks sake. I didn't have a family before Voltron. I could feel things getting tense, so-” Keith’s voice cuts of.

Lance looks towards him expectantly and is surprised to see the pain on Keith’s face.

“So I pulled away before I could get hurt. I pushed you all away before you could reject me I guess.”

Lance is at a loss for words. He wasn't expecting this at all from Keith. Lance thought Keith had acted selfishly, but now he sees that it isn't like that at all.

Suddenly, Lance remembers something.

“You stopped smiling. I saw it. When you were leaving, I saw your smile drop before you turned around,” Lance says in almost a whisper.

“I guess I was half expecting for you all to try and stop me. I mean, you all did when Pidge wanted to leave Voltron, so why not for me?”

Lance’s heart tugs at the sad expression on Keith’s face. 

He doesn't know what to say, so he does what first comes to mind. 

He pulls Keith in for a hug.

“We- I really missed you Keith.”

Lance feels Keith’s arms tighten around him.

“You could stay you know? Yeah we’d have one paladin too many but I’m sure we could work something out. Maybe we could take turns or something, you know, piloting Red?” Lance hopefully proposes his idea.

“You know I can’t Lance.” Keith sighs.

Lance is the first one to break the hug.

“Why not? You said it yourself, we’re your family Kieth.”

Keith looks at him with an expression Lance can’t decipher.

“I’m going to leave again Lance. I have to. I promise to come back and visit again though. And I’ll try not to make it be months without communication. I have work to do with the Blade of Marmora and you have work to do with Voltron. It will all be fine,” Keith explains, although he doesn't look very convinced himself.

“It’s been really hard here without you Keith. I know you probably expect me to say I’ve been having a blast without you here to fight with, but the truth is-” Lance takes a deep breath.

“-I don’t hate you. Not at all actually. I miss bickering with you, and I’ve come to realize that we spent a lot of time together. I feel really alone now that you're gone. I care about you so much Keith. I remember our bonding moment too. I want you to know that. I want you to know so many things,” Lances voice cracks at the end of his sentence and he shuts his mouth before he can embarrass himself further.

He refuses to look at Keith, keeping his head down, and eyes glued to the floor.

Lance feels hands on his shoulders, and he slowly looks up at Keith’s face.

“Lance, I’m going to do something okay?”

Lance is confused, but before he can question anything Keith is bringing his face to his, and softly pressing his lips against Lance’s.

It doesn't last long, only a few seconds. Those few seconds though have sent Lance’s heart into overdrive and he's sure he would collapse if it weren't for Keith’s hands on his shoulders steadying him.

“I care about you too Lance,” Keith whispers. 

Lance pulls Keith back in for another kiss, this time more passionate and desperate. It’s full of wanting and years of pent up emotions.

Lance threads his fingers into Keith’s dark hair and Keith’s hands snake up under Lance’s jacket.

They pull apart, cheeks flushed red and out of breath. 

“Stay,” Lance pleads.

Keith though, doesn't know how to act in ways that are not self destructive.

So an hour later, he is standing in the same place he was a few months ago, ready to leave the closest thing he has to a family.

Lance can’t bring himself to look at Keith as he stands towards the back.

He hears the sound of the door closing and when he raises his head, Keith is gone.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

He promised. Keith promised to visit more often. Right before he kissed Lance and told him he cared, he promised not to go missing for months at a time. 

It has been six months. Half a year.

Voltron has made progress in the fight against the Galra and things are looking up, but they haven't heard from the Blade of Marmora, or Keith, in six months.

Everyone was confused. The Blade Of Marmora were such helpful allies in the fight, so no one understood what had happened to make them disappear.

It had been so long now though, that no one really thought about it anymore. 

Of course there was Keith. No one really spoke about it, which Lance was grateful for, but angry about at the same time. Why didn't anyone seem to care as much as he did? 

The months went on, and so did life. 

Lance busied himself with Voltron missions, training, video games, and sleep.

Each day went on like this in an endless cycle. This cycle though, was broken one day when Allura came shouting at everyone to gather in the control room.

“I am receiving a signal like the ones we used to get from the Blade of Marmora!” She shouts excitedly as she tries to get a clear connection.

“Do you think it’s really them?” Hunk hopefully asks.

“If it is they sure have some explaining to do,” Pidge pushes their glasses up.

Lance doesn't say anything, he just keeps his eyes focused on the blurry screen.

“Hold on,” Allura pauses.

“This message is old. It is dated about a month ago. I wonder why it took so long to get to us,” her brow furrows.

Suddenly a clear picture forms on the screen. It is Kolivan, shakily recording a message while loud explosions, and gunfire echo in the background.

“Princess! Paladins! We have been attacked-” 

A gunshot loudly rings out and Kolivan grunts while falling to his knees. 

“We are being taken out, there is no hope for us. Most of us have already been killed and the Galra just keep coming.”

The pain and fear is apparent on Kolivan’s face. Screams are heard in the background as Kolivan’s breath grows shallow.

“Keith, he didn't make it. I’m so sor-” 

Another gunshot is heard and Kolivan’s voice stops short and the message ends. The black screen looms over everyone in the room. Nobody dares to say a word.

Lance, like always, turns and walks right out of the room. 

He doesn't cry, scream, or throw a fit. Instead he heads towards the training deck and sets the simulator to the hardest level.

At this point, he was used to Keith being gone.


End file.
